Travel Plans

In four days, my boyfriend will be here and I feel it is appropriate to express my excitement by posting a low-quality map depicting our travel plans:

We will of course be spending time in Saint-Pourcain, but also traveling to Clermont-Ferrand, Grenoble, Strasbourg, and finally Paris, where he will catch his flight out on Christmas Eve. An hour after he leaves, one of my best friends will arrive at the same airport, and we will head south for Christmas Vacation Part 2. Stay tuned.

The things you'd never do

As a five-year addict to Facebook, it may seem perfectly hypocrital for me to stand up on my soapbox and criticize it, but that's exactly what I'm going to do. Not because I'm above it, but because I am powerless without it, and the best defense twenty-something wanna-be-writers have these days is the blogosphere. So here it goes.

Everything everyone does appears online. What you ate for breakfast. Where you bought that dress. How long you've been dating your boyfriend. What you did last night. Who you did last night. And all this is fine and good, because it gives people a sense of celebrity, it somehow validates their existence...but somewhere along the line it began to feel like an event didn't actually occur unless there was record of it on Facebook. And this notion continued to evolve to the point until my greatest fear has been realized: people are doing things JUST so they can record it on Facebook.

I want to gather all my Facebook 'friends' in a room and shout at the top of my lungs, "Would you really have traveled to South Africa if you couldn't post the pictures?" "Are you sure you want to marry him?" "Are those kids just for show?"

"Facebook stunts" as I like to call them, are the manipulation and editing of one's life to make it appear more glamourous, more exciting. You know, kind of like how you post the pictures of yourself with freshly applied makeup, posing like a movie star, at the beginning of a night out, and purposefully leave out the other pictures where you're devouring a large pizza late-night. Engagements, smiling kids, family vacations. I'm getting to the point where when I look through someone's album and it seems just so perfectly put together, I think, what happened next? What's the rest of the story?

Insanity aside, a cultural phenomenon is undoubtedly occuring here. People are subconciously making decisions and doing things because they are motivated by the fact that record of it will be posted online, making them appear cooler, more exciting, thinner, happier. Is this necessarily bad? Maybe not. But weird? Without a doubt. Because what happens when it crashes? Or when we -gasp- have to start paying to use Facebook? Who will validate our existence then? Facebook has evolved beyond a device to facilitate communcation; it has become a way to reinvent ourselves.

Americans love costumes. And apologize too much.

Wrapping up my first Halloween in France with a sore throat and a lot less money in my bank account. This was a really good vacation. Who has a random nearly two-week vacation in October? Oh yes, the French do. I am feeling particularly thankful--a month before thanksgiving--for all of the wonderful people I've met so far. Everyone has been kind, helpful, and generous, contributing to my premature state of comfort and immersion.

An attempt to be terrifying on Halloween

Can you tell I've been reading Jane Austen? I'll be honest, Pride and Prejudice is kind of a yawn, but it does wonders for your vocabulary. Okay, where was I...oh yes, Halloween. Somewhere in between dressing up like a witch and unintentionally attending a drag show, I realized that French people aren't so hot on costumes. The first pang of homesickness struck me when I walked into a bar with my crew (we were all dressed-up) and everyone just looked at us in their normal clothes like what are those crazy girls doing. Hmm. Oh well, we proceeded to have an amazing night. Fast forward to actual Halloween night, and we went out to the largest, most extravagant club I've ever seen (in real life and movies) and still! Very few costumes to speak of. Come on, France.

But with all the off-the-charts cheese, wine, bread, and chocolate I've been consuming, I really can't complain about anything here. Or apologize. At this point, a month into my second long-term stint in France, I am rarely shocked by cultural differences, but the other day...I had a moment. My French friend complained that her throat was starting to hurt, and with all the American compassion I could muster, I grabbed her arm, tilted my head and said "I'm sorry." She looked truly puzzled. "For what?" Another friend with us who has had more exposure to Americans burst out laughing, and explained to her that Americans apologize for everything, even if they have no control over it.

I let this marinate for a minute, and then realized he's completely right! And that is why so often, Americans think French are rude! Because they aren't apologizing for our sore throats, bad weeks, and marital problems. But in actuality, it is bizarre that I have a natural instinct to apologize to anyone who is feeling less than superb at any give moment. If you know me beyond this blog, then you know that I am the ultimate people-pleaser, so this revelation is like a giant weight lifted off my shoulders.

Travel is shaped by your co-travelers

Like any other red-blooded foreigner, when I found out I had nearly two weeks of vacation, I jumped at the opportunity to spread my wings and see more of France. I took a bus to Vichy (closest "big" train station), then hopped a train to Lyon, and spent a few days exploring the city with two other assistants. It was such a great trip, first, because Lyon is a beautiful, exciting city, and second, because I unknowingly chose two super compatible co-travelers.

As much as I hate to admit it, the people you travel with have just as much, if not more of an influence on your experience than the place that you are in. This is because there are four types of travelers, who for better or worse, will shape your experience.

1. The dominatrix
The dominatrix has already planned out each second of each minute of your trip, prior to arrival. There's no need to interject what you would like to do, because the agenda has been made. Meddling with the agenda could prompt a meltdown. The plus side--traveling with a dominatrix will guarantee that your time is maximized. You will see more than most travelers, and will not waste time being lost or indecisive.

2. The speedster
Not a far cry from the dominatrix, the speedster is less interested in a thorough understanding of a place, and somewhat obsessed with seeing as much as possible, as quickly as possible. This "gotta catch 'em all" attitude will fuel travelers to go great distances, but only scrape the surface of a city. There is never enough time to sit down, to reflect, to meet locals.

3. The free spirit
On the opposite end of the spectrum, the free spirit is satisfied by simply being. They have few "musts" for a trip, and are perfectly happy wandering the streets, people watching, and window shopping. They want traveling to be simple, natural, and enlightening. Traveling with free spirits is ideal because they are easy-going, easy to please. But pair them with a dominatrix or speedster, and expect disaster.

4. The stick-in-the-mudd
I'm always confused as to why this type seeks travel in the first place, because upon arrival, all they do is eat McDonald's and drink Budweiser. Anything out of the norm or their comfort-zone is out of the question, and stressful situations easily affect the stick-in-the-mudd. Plus side, they like to move at a comfortable pace. And they're most likely stocked with American snacks and anti-bacterial hand sanitizer.

Of course these are extremes, and it is ideal to find a perfect blend of all three: someone who has a doable plan, and likes a blend of scheduled and wandering time.

Dating is dead, and it's not our fault. Well maybe a little.

Carrie, cooking up yet another ridiculous theory.

Every Sunday my Grandad loves to tell the story about how he and my Grandma traveled all over Charleston and eventually down to south Georgia to get married. No, not looking for the perfect venue, I mean looking for someone who was comfortable illegally marrying two teenagers. They met, dated, fell in love, eloped, had three kids, and have been together ever since. I always try to get lost in the romance and nostalgia of the whole thing, but my critical, independent-woman brain screws it up every time. Didn't you want to...date around? Live together first? Wait--he was your first kiss? And they both laugh and smile, pitying my jaded outlook on romance.

But see, it's not my fault. The dating world has become a hopeless maze of disappointment, where no one is satisfied, mostly because they don't know what simple satisfaction feels like. But even the simplest, relationship-minded people can't find what they want because the dating market has gone completely haywire, and the game is impossible to play. Women are supposed to play hard to get, but not too bitchy. Give a guy what he wants, but not too fast or you're easy. But even if you play it all right, and things are going fine, is it healthy for love games to form the basis of a relationship?

The first and probably most influential factor in the dating disaster is exposure to warped media. I am the product of 24 years of exposure to fabulous sources of information like Sex and the City, reality television and Cosmo. And I suck it all in like a sponge, because somehow these sources of information have dictated not only how we date, but what we expect to feel when in a relationship. Because if your boyfriend is suddenly calling less and acting cold it means he has an emotional wall that you will eventually tear down, because that's what happened to Carrie and Mr. Big. But even if you can't parallel your situation to a Sex and the City episode, the answers are out there. It goes something like this: Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy does something that confuses/angers girl. Girl seeks out a magazine written by women to better understand men. And everything promptly goes to shit.

Whether a result of media exposure or an entity of its own, exploring a pool of endless options will ruin any chance of happiness. I don't mean dating to find out what kind of person you want to be with, I mean always ending relationships because you're hoping for something better. Often experienced during post-grad wandering, this will send you through cycles of confusion and heartache, when maybe...you keep ending relationships because you don't want to be in one at all.

On the contrary, many people are showing up to second dates that should never happen. Lowered expectations keep people in bad relationships for years and years, because they think at the other end of the spectrum: there are no options. This is just as dangerous as endless options syndrome, because they stick around, dealing with things, making sacrifices, being unhappy and wasting their time. The key here is to simplify and be honest.