Server no more

Last night was my last shift waiting tables. At least for this chapter of my life. Every time that I quit a job at a restaurant, I hold my uglier-than-sin no-slip black shoes over the trash can for a wavering moment, thinking, hoping that we can finally go our separate ways. But alas, once again I have put them on the shelf, because I know it's not over. Once a server, always a server.

Waiting tables is the ultimate short-term addiction because it is good, quick money with absolutely no commitment. Employees are disposable, but so are the jobs, so there is no pressure to stay anywhere you don't want to. My first job was at a small "upscale" Mexican restaurant called Uno Mas. Considering I had to learn Spanish and wear a man's shirt that was three sizes too big, I was expecting to make it big. Well, I made a lot of big mistakes. And spent quite a few nights in tears in the parking lot, amazed at how rude people are.

Years and a few jobs later, it still baffles me how people act when they come out to eat. People don't just come to a restaurant to satisify their hunger, they come to be served. Pampered. And I've seen it all--diaper changes on the booth, snooty teenagers shorting me on checks, toddlers crawling into the kitchen. For anyone who has worked in a restaurant, you know exactly what I am talking about, and I need to go no further. But for those who haven't, please take away these guidlines for eating out.

1. Tip 20%
I don't know for every state, but in SC I made $2.13 an hour. Before taxes. So essentially nothing. Never tip below 20% because your food took forever, because most likely it was the kitchen's fault and not the server. Gratuity is not just a nice favor, it is what pays the bills and keeps food on the table.

2. Keep your kids on a leash
If your child (no matter what age) cannot behave in a restaurant, then feed them at home! Screaming, throwing food, and table-side diaper changes are never okay.

3. Don't snap, whistle, clap, or shake the ice in your glass to get your server's attention.
This one gets me everytime. When you are running around like a crazy person trying to keep everyone happy, and the old man in the corner starts to whistle at you like a dog. And of course, all you can do is smile and respond.

4. Be friendly
One would assume that this is common sense, but you wouldn't believe how many customers I've had that think that "unsweet tea" is an appropriate answer to "how are you doing today?"

Regardless of my complaints, I know I have learned a lot by working in restaurants, and people take away many transferable job skills from waiting tables. Skills like multi-tasking, sales, communication, hospitality. Most servers are excellent sales people, without even realizing it. So to all you servers, don't be so down on yourself for not having a "real job."